Relationship Math

April 18, 2018 Relationship Math Audio version-  http://chirb.it/NakBfM Imagine for a moment that you have wheels and tires, an engine, a chassis, a can of gasoline, etc., but they are all separate. Not much you can do with them.  They are just parts.  However, put them all together properly, and you have a vehicle that can transport you.  The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The same is true when it comes to Relationship Math, but it can work both positively and negatively. In a good relationship two people together bring out the best in each other.  Together they present a powerful and positive relationship.  In this case, one plus one equals more like three.  They have created their own “vehicle” with which to transport their relationship to a higher level. But the opposite is true when there are relationship problems.  One plus one equals something less than two. Depending upon how bad things are will determine just how much less.  They may be relatively okay by themselves, but the two people tend to bring out the worst in each other.  In this example putting them together as a whole only underscores each person’s negative traits. My wife and I were certainly known professionally individually, but many times we were just introduced as “The Yellens.”  People often commented about how powerful we were together as a team.  As an example, when there were adversarial school situations, parents often asked both of us to attend together even though either of us could have accomplished the same thing. Often, we were told that we were much more powerful together...

Relationship Mindfulness

April 12, 2018 Relationship Mindfulness Audio version-  http://chirb.it/Fh7Ms3 One of the biggest reasons for relationship failure is the lack of practicing relationship mindfulness.  Mindfulness in general is being fully present.  While that sounds like a very abstract idea, it most certainly is not. It is extremely important in relationships.  Without it, two people are nothing more than two ships just passing in the night. Paying attention and being fully present is the best way to capture mindfulness. Being very aware of what is happening at the moment without judging it is the essence of mindfulness. When you and your partner are mindful of each other, there is a connection that fully energizes, empowers, and soothes both. Gratitude is most certainly another part of being mindful.  Albert Einstein once said, “There are two kinds of people- those who believe that nothing is a miracle, and those that believe that everything is a miracle.” In essence, it’s all about your perceptions of what is around you.  You can choose to focus on negativity, or you can choose to focus on positivity, but you can’t practice gratitude while holding on to negativity. When we look back at what brought two people together, regardless of the circumstances, those two people focused on each other.  They were very present with each other.  They were practicing relationship mindfulness without realizing exactly what they were doing. Sometimes it was even to the exclusion of others.  They didn’t worry about overanalyzing their situation.  Eckhart Tolle said, “In today’s rush, we all think too much – seek too much – want too much – and forget about the joy of just...

Interested and Interesting

April 4, 2018   Interested and Interesting Audio version- http://chirb.it/Iverm5 One of the first things I tell people who are trying to build a relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic, is part of having a good social intelligence quotient (SIQ) is to keep in mind the two “I’s.” You have to be interested and interesting. People are much more comfortable socially when they have a good connection with another. These two words are keys to usually opening up good relationships. The first part is that if you want a relationship with someone, you have to show interest in what they are about and what is important to them. Whether it’s sports, music, movies, etc., people like knowing that the person with whom they are talking is really showing an interest in them.  It makes everyone feel special.  Give people your full attention on what they are talking about.  If you are not interested in them, they probably won’t be interested in you. The second part is that YOU have to be interesting.  No one like talking to someone who is boring to listen to. Of course, you are better off avoiding some topics in some crowds.  Some people are particularly sensitive to politics and/or religion.  It’s often best not to engage in discussion about those topics unless you know your audience.  One thing I tell my patients who want to work on being more interesting is to glance at a news accumulator twice a day and just gather up some of the topic headlines on international, national, and local news, business & finance, sports, entertainment, technology, science, and health.  This should only...