by administrator | Jun 20, 2018 | blog |
Religion and Relationships Text- http://loveshoppinglist.com/religion-and-relationships Audio version- http://chirb.it/sIBAGg Sometimes religion can get in the way of relationships, especially when families put pressure on the individuals. In many cultures, strict adherence to religious “laws” creates significant stress for couples, especially if the two people are of different religions or even of different denominations or sects within a religion. Christians have Baptists, Protestants, Presbyterians, Methodists, Lutheran, LDS, Catholics, etc. Jews have Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, etc. Muslims have Shia and Sunni, etc. And the list goes on and on. In many of these, marrying or dating outside the religion is frowned upon or even forbidden. While I am a “believer”, in my humble opinion, these are all simply beliefs in a higher power. So, the question becomes if you find yourself in love with a person of a different religion, or religion is creating conflict in moving your relationship forward, how should you handle it? The answer lays with each individual and the couple together. I always tell couples to remember that most often they are in a relationship with or are marrying an entire family and not just a single person. For some who don’t practice their religion or are atheist or agnostic, there is not an artificial barrier. However, for most, there are decisions to be made. This issue should be dealt with prior to furthering the relationship, especially if the couple is planning to have a family. A few years ago, a couple came in to see me. He was Muslim, and she was Christian. Both of their families were very much against them getting married. As much as they loved...
by administrator | Jun 13, 2018 | blog |
June 13, 2018 Bipolar Relationships Audio version- http://chirb.it/Jemtc5 The term “bipolar” is often used by many people to describe someone whose mood constantly changes between highs and lows. Years ago, the real diagnosis used to be called “manic-depressive disorder.” For the average person it’s just a descriptor of how someone is behaving rather than a true diagnosis. However, it actually is a formal psychological condition and should only be diagnosed by a professional. In the context of this article, I’m referring to the informal use of the term. A bipolar relationship is much like riding a roller coaster. It’s one that goes up and up, reaches a peak, and then comes screaming down making you almost want to throw up. Then it happens all over again. Interestingly, when we examine the symptoms of true individual bipolar disorder, the bipolar relationship exhibits many of the same things, e.g. the manic behavior and the depressive mood. Just like the actual diagnosis of an individual, this pattern is also toxic to a relationship. It steals the energy out of the relationship by keeping it so unstable. Particularly after a manic high in which the partners can’t get enough of each other, and when they are together, it is incredibly intense, the “crash” leaves them wondering what went wrong so quickly and drastically. The partners are often left to wonder about their own sanity or the sanity of their partner or both. It can be extremely distressing. Interestingly, sometimes one of the partners in a relationship is actually truly bipolar. It’s almost as if the condition becomes contagious and infects the relationship. The...
by administrator | Jun 6, 2018 | blog |
June 06, 2018 Enmeshed Relationships Audio version- http://chirb.it/6KCtLv The term enmeshment is widely used in therapy. It refers to an extreme form of closeness and intensity in interactions. It also applies to relationships. In a highly enmeshed relationship changes in one partner automatically result in changes to the other. The differentiation between the two people becomes almost invisible. The individual gets lost in the relationship. The boundaries that define individual autonomy become so weak that functioning in individual ways is handicapped. Enmeshment is used as a term when speaking about co-dependence. Co-dependence is defined as being psychologically influenced or controlled by, reliant upon, or needing another person to fulfill one’s own needs or to complete oneself. People are defined as being co-dependent if they are in a situation where they are psychologically mutually reliant on someone else to meet needs for them that they ought to be able to meet for themselves. A co-dependent person is one who has let her/his partner’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. We are enmeshed when we use another individual for our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security. Instead of two people present, we become one identity. More simply, enmeshment is present when our sense of wholeness comes from another person. Enmeshment does not allow for individuality, wholeness, personal empowerment, or healthy relationships with ourselves or others. Most certainly, this fosters an unhealthy relationship. As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, in a good relationship one plus one equals more than two. That’s because there is a synergy between the two partners. If the...
