April 4, 2018
Interested and Interesting
Audio version- http://chirb.it/Iverm5
One of the first things I tell people who are trying to build a relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic, is part of having a good social intelligence quotient (SIQ) is to keep in mind the two “I’s.” You have to be interested and interesting. People are much more comfortable socially when they have a good connection with another. These two words are keys to usually opening up good relationships.
The first part is that if you want a relationship with someone, you have to show interest in what they are about and what is important to them. Whether it’s sports, music, movies, etc., people like knowing that the person with whom they are talking is really showing an interest in them. It makes everyone feel special. Give people your full attention on what they are talking about. If you are not interested in them, they probably won’t be interested in you.
The second part is that YOU have to be interesting. No one like talking to someone who is boring to listen to. Of course, you are better off avoiding some topics in some crowds. Some people are particularly sensitive to politics and/or religion. It’s often best not to engage in discussion about those topics unless you know your audience. One thing I tell my patients who want to work on being more interesting is to glance at a news accumulator twice a day and just gather up some of the topic headlines on international, national, and local news, business & finance, sports, entertainment, technology, science, and health. This should only take about ten minutes. You don’t have to be an expert, but if you do this every day, you will find you will be able to have a dialogue with most people on at least one of these topics. By being able to make commentary in these areas, you are covering at least one topic that most everyone is interested in.
Being interested and interesting is an important part in any close relationship, but even more so when dating and/or becoming more involved with someone. Neglecting either of these two important “I’s” often leads to the disintegration of what otherwise would be a good relationship.
Here’s a great quotation from Dr. Maya Angelou. “At the end of the day people won’t remember what yousaid or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
Improve your SIQ. Be both interested and interesting.
Until next time, this is Dr. Andrewtelling you to “Be kind to yourself.”