May 16, 2018
Love’s Vision Board
Audio version- http://chirb.it/ELasys
A number of years ago a few days after my hip operation I was in our entertainment room watching television. My wife came in and shut the TV off. She announced that we were going to do a vision board. I was a captive audience since it was difficult for me to move around. She brought in a tri-fold cardboard about three feet by four feet and markers. Like the incredible educator she was, she stood at the front of my “classroom,” writing our vision for our future of things we wanted to do. She explained that by putting it all down in writing on a board, it was much more likely to happen.
A vision board for love will work much in the same way. It takes a somewhat advanced relationship, but once a couple has decided that they want to be together, they should define how they would like to see their relationship evolve. Anything they want to have happen should be put on the board – family, finances, vacations, social interaction, intimacy goals, decorating, division of household tasks, etc. Some of you may be asking what most of these have to do with love, but they all do. Each has some part in serious relationships. By writing it all down, memorializing it, there should be no unspoken expectations. Often, it’s the unspoken expectations that create a lot of conflict in marriages and relationships.
Unspoken expectations are when one party just simply expects the other to know what they want, know where to go, assume that it’s the other’s job, and so on. When unspoken expectations don’t get met, frustration begins to grow into agitation, which can, and often does, lead to significant relationship problems. The way to avoid this scenario is to get ahead of the expectations by making them tangible. Write them on your love’s vision board so they are not “unspoken.” That way you can discuss them because the points are now out in the open. Even if the two of you don’t get to everything on your list in the time you had envisioned, they are still on the list for you to see. Of course, the list can be modified at any time. Be creative.
Older individuals sometimes use the term “bucket list.” However, a bucket list is usually for an individual. I’m referring to a list that two people in love do together. Just doing the process brings two people closer together. Don’t be shy about putting down some outrageous things you’d like to do with, for, and, yes, to each other. It’s sharing all this all information that makes it a fun moment of intimacy. It becomes little secrets only the two of you share.
My wife and I were able to do a lot of what we had put on our Love’s Vision Board, but unfortunately my wife lost her battle with cancer before we were able to check a lot of it off. I still have that board as a memento. I wish we had done it much earlier in our marriage.
The sooner you start your Love’s Vision Board, the better the chances you’ll be able to start checking things off and look forward to the next adventure- on a trip, in the bedroom, or wherever. It’s about doing things together that’s the most important. Live, Love, Laugh!
Until next time, this is Dr. Andrewtelling you to “Be kind to yourself.”